Last Week

For the most part, I try to stay sanguine when I talk about Mr. X, but several thousand miles and several years do take their toll from time to time.  This past Sunday, in church, I prayed and just gave up.  I could call it giving it up to G-d, but I just gave up.

The next day, the conversation started.

And today, I am blogging from the hotel in another state, where almost three years ago I last saw X.  Where we met up yesterday for our first date since, and laughed and had a good time.

At first, the thought was that I would come down and help.  He's here unexpectedly, attending to a family issue.  But sometimes when someone is sick, or afraid of how sick they might be - and they don't know - they need the family and nobody else.  So I can't really help ... except to be here for X.

There are times it annoys me how self-sacrificing my relationship with him may appear.  Whatever the choices look like from the outside, they have been mine, and whatever the relationship may or may not be is ours to worry about.

I worry.  If I didn't, I wouldn't give up before G-d Himself.

But nearly ten years on, X and I are here together.  There are many (most) who don't have that much.  And for whatever it is, I have always been grateful.