Collection

I have been in this room, but we were with Cicero, not Spock. An elegiac, good read. "The logic of mercy" ... yes ...

It's not news to me that the fashion industry produces a massive amount of the garbage we create, but ten percent is still an eye opening figure. Also, just a bit more for my TBR pile; thanks, Nature!

Speaking of fashion ... it's been some time since I linked an American Duchess piece, but how about - oh, sixteen pieces? Looking at the capsule wardrobe. Love the "just one black frock" image!

History which, not only did they fail to teach this in my schools, I literally have never even heard of these HUNDREDS of takeovers, or the IAT, before now. It seems like that's burial. It seems like that is colonial power and prejudice, still alive and well.

(T)rans joy is real

What a beautiful essay. Go click and be blessed

MissUs

He is so far away saying "I miss him" isn't even the shadow on the floor.  The thing between me and the light is impossible to catch with words.

How can he be so close when he is thousands of miles out of my reach?  Never mind:  I know.  I am a writer.

It's beyond me to focus - but impossible to forget - I'd rather be without him, than be with anyone else.  ...  Apparently.

Good night.

I Like *This*

Search string leading here:  "The Ax and the Vase" ...

Nice to see that.  Maybe one of my queries is finally going to get a response.  Even if that has to be a neg, I still hope to hear something.  No new rejections so far today, though.

Hope and Magic

I've always been fascinated by the idea of magic, but I really haven't ever felt it to be real in my own life.  There's still a swath of me open to it, and like most people I practice sympathetic magic and superstition in small ways, at least.  But my belief in a concept as sweet as that seems mostly to be as witness, rather than as a participant.  I've seen my brother and sister-in-law touched in small ways by magic.  I've heard the most beautiful story of the spirit, from my grandmother.  I know magic is that aspect of spirituality we can't explain concretely ... but my life is pedestrian, and largely easy to explain.

The only spell I ever cast is by wearing some talisman in hope it can evoke some manner of blessing ... in praying ... in scenting my domain in perfume and candles ... in the things of the heart, speakable only between mine and X's, and most of those not even then.  Unlike many people, I've never seen magic in death, no special timing, no visions afterward.  I've never seen animal magic, really - as much as I am breath-taken by the power some of them contain.

Once, I had an experience of Christ, which to this day has held me in love.

But in this world, I practice hope, more than incantation.  Some hope is blessed with expectation; some with nothing more than the trembling magic of innocence, tenderly and shyly wished.  Most hope, of course, doesn't come to anything.

But the smart person knows how to cultivate the hope that can be realized.  To farm it, work it, expect harvest.  The domestication of magic.  The control of destiny.  The direction of will to what is attainable.

Perhaps this strips the ineffable of its luster.

But it does make for satisfaction.



I muse on this, because just now, setting out my things for tomorrow, I found myself indulging magic.  I put out my perfume.

I never wear perfume, except in those moments I need magic.  Which means I rarely put it on these days.  It's almost never part of my wardrobe for work - so seldom, I probably haven't worn it one day since starting the "new" (one year this Tuesday ... !) job.  I did wear a drop to church today, and still it haunts my skin so quietly.

For all I don't believe, as much as I believe in magic - I still find it romantic to court it.  To flirt and make myself open to magic.  There is a softness, a familiarity, a beauty ... and a hope.  Always, so many hopes.

If much of my hope is ambition - there is that in my heart so much more childlike.  Needing escape from the day-to-day.  Needing reassurance from G-d ... or my father ... or just that breeze I felt this morning, after church, talking with my dearest friend there ...

Romans says it - "For in hope we were saved" ...

Sometimes, the vulnerable, open part of myself just wants to remember how to let go ... and thereby be best served.

And the Beating Goes On

I got the R today from one of the agents I was impressed by.  It was a nice letter, actually, even if the rejection it indicated came pretty much instantaneously.  The woman has some very fortunate clients.

Thank you for thinking of me, Diane, but I didn't connect with the subject matter of THE AX AND THE VASE the way I would need to in order to consider representation, so unfortunately I've decided to pass.


I'm sorry not to be writing with better news and wish you the best of luck elsewhere.

Not an exhaustive litany of regret to lose me, to be sure, but at least it was personal, specific, and written with respect.  Which is to say:  by an actual human.
 
I don't even mind auto responders the way some people do.  They at least tell you (a) you got received and (b) you were at least seen, if not read by the right audience ... yet ...
 
I have a feeling, though.  It won't be but so much longer.  You watch me.  Twenty-plus more agents to research, this week alone?  Interesting things will happen, even before I get to the Conference.

Exception

Canny readers will notice by the time stamp here that I am posting from work, an infraction I would not usually indulge.

One reason for this is to ask for prayers for my beloved TEO - and those who need to know why, do.

The other is to note that last night, I spilled 7-Up on my laptop, and though the OS appears to be okay, the mouse pad is gone - and without paddable mousey-ness, I (a) can't use the computer, and (b) can't determine anything deeper which might have been affected/damaged. I have no way to know how long it will be before I am computing again on my personal time, so wanted to encourage anyone who needs me to use other means to contact me. Especially those agents needing to desperately beg for a full manuscript - my contact information should be at your fingertips ...

The extremely sobering aspect of my losing personal compute-ability at this time is that TEO's usual way to contact people with big news is electronically. This leaves me in limbo for a while, in terms of finding out how things are working out with this please-pray-for-her bidniss, which is probably a bit more frantic-making than it "ought" to me - but I am my mother's daughter, and a woman, and sometimes fretting is just an inevitability. I'd like to assume I'll come out the other side of the worry having been very silly for worrying - will let the blog-world know, when I can.

Two more days to a long weekend ... to be spent lawn-mowing, home-projecting, and probably laptop-doctoring.

And, one hopes, thanking G-d for blessing my friend.

V-Day

Eight years and one week ago, X and I first said those words, and it was the least dramatic part of that day. He came for his first visit to me, bringing the gift of a DVD player and two movies ("Brotherhood of the Wolf" and "Office Space"), ready to meet the family for the first time, and though he did, it was nothing like the weekend-date visit we'd had planned.

As we did then: tonight, we had email. Email is not optimal.

But email has been good to us.

I miss that man very much.

Sarah Plain and Tall

I have this fantasy - not *only* about the Palin, to be sure - but most specifically about her, that her "popularity" (or, at least, her career of fame-whoring) could go something like this, if people actually change, with all the talk of The Vitriolic Atmosphere comes to more than hot air.

Sadly, it requires that people actually change. I remember 9/11, and do know better.

Pity, though.

Perhaps a better thing to remember was the day the president was elected, and hope almost seemed a sane possibility.

We DID do that. Possibility is always possible.

Con Time

My Conference is in a week, and last night came the news that the editor I had a meeting with has had to cancel her participation. It's a bit of a blow, though I know that must sound pretty overdramatic.

Registration time this year came right in my period of unemployment. I had finished the novel, was (much more actively) querying, and was excited for this event, my annual fire-starter, fun time, and opportunity. Last year, I got a request for a partial out of my agent meeting, and this year an agent from the agency which handles Sharon Kay Penman was on the list.

I queried this particular woman, with mention of SKP and another histfic writer on their roster, and noted the upcoming Conference, where I'd like to meet her. She couldn't have been nicer when she told me SKP was in fact one of the owner's first clients ever, and the other one had been her ASSISTANT for eight years - and that, actually, other than those two, they really don't do histfic. But please say hi at the Conference.

Will do.



Agh, but - *sigh*



I hike up my boots and look at the Conference list, and find that the EDITOR appearing as well lists historical fiction first in her area of expertise, go "WHEEEEEE" and sign up for her. You know, really, I said to myself, this is better than an agent - because with an agent, the conversation is black or white (give me a partial, or flat rejection), whereas maybe an editor will say, "Okay have you queried X, Y, or Z yet?" or "you know, for your kind of non-romance historical writing, being a woman, I know an agent who could sell you just right."

I mean, sure, that's the realm of fantasy in some ways. But my writing is good, my story has such a hook, and frankly I am, as a property myself, not without some interesting aspects. And, again, an editor might have a wider scope to offer, if she were interested enough to do so. An agent - even if interested, the only option at a Con is "maybe".

Maybe was wildly exciting last year. But I think it is off the table now. As is anything else.


***


So when the editor canceled, I have to say, I was thinking, "well of course." So now I have a Conference to go to with nobody who handles my genre. In some ways, this is freeing. But it's a little disappointing.

The agent I have chosen to meet with now, I would say almost certainly has no interest in histfic. Her house is the only one of those entities appearing which even MENTIONS histfic at all - so the outside chance here is that someone else at that venue might be a referral. I can't say my hopes are high for this, but it is still another pitch opportunity, and I prefer that to the querying process. Living eyes - even if they are not really looking to see what I'm showing - is STILL more fulfilling than blindly wondering, "Do I look like a complete moron here?"



I am bummed out.

But I'm also still excited.

And not because, accidentally, it turns out next weekend will be a four-day-er. (Hey, thanks, Columbus!)

Anniversary

Six years. One day.

Today, the heat inspired the insects to loud, low speechmaking in the quiet woods where my office is.


I remember the cicada sound - from back then. Sounded like a beach at the ocean. A train. Nature cycling.


Nothing has changed inside, except for the pain.

Much has changed outside. But I can fool most people. Few of them really see (few people see other human beings anyway).

August 4. And another anniversary, soon.

Passes

Three new rejections this week remind me that I did indeed put querying on hold for a minute while I got ready for a new job, and now I am almost a full week into said job. Today's pass was from the second request for a partial, so one needs must light the fire once again.

Yesterday's was actually quite nice; I queried Sharon Kay Penman's agency, but they haven't picked up historicals for some time now (except for that one ... by the woman who *worked* for them for eight years!). The agent I contacted, though, was personal and generous, and is also going to be at the upcoming Conference I attend every year. She encouraged me to speak with her, which I appreciated - as much as a professional writer as as a person who prefers niceness over snobbitude.

I went to the Con website and asked them to change my ranking of preferences of agents/editors I'd like to try to get five minutes with to the editor instead.

And the editor's first noted area of focus is historical fiction.

As I thought in that time when I was asking for *more* rejections, so it has come to pass - I'm getting them, and finding it not disappointing but reassuring that at least I'm being seen at all. Not everyone likes my singing, but at least it's audible outside my ears.

Time to find the right audience, though. No more kitchen project; time to get seriously querying.

Dream Job - Literally?

The offer letter didn't come on Friday; the staffing manager was off for vacation (she actually called me from home, kids in the background, to give me the offer) - so I should not be worried, I'm sure. But until the thing is in front of me; until I have signed and returned it, I'm going to keep feeling this whole thing is just a cruel hallucination.

I feel like I am holding my breath. And if you've read much, that is not a positive sensation for me.

*On tenterhooks until Tuesday morning*

Prognostication

If I'm honest, I don't think I'm going to get an offer. Not because I don't think I presented well today, or because my skill set isn't right on, or because there was any particular vibe either over the phone or once I went in for the site interviews. I just don't get a "lucky" sense here, for whatever reason. Not that I have that sort of thing generally, with interviews - or don't, that I can think of - but something about this speed I've been so impressed with seems to me almost "directed", if that makes any sense.

When the SVP told me this morning that I was the final candidate - and today it's only been two weeks since the LISTING even went up! - I just suddenly felt like a string was cut. Like my kite was let go. It just seems (a) too good to be true, and (b) far too "easy" to end in a get at this point.

I'm rightly confident in my abilities, my ability to present them in an interview, and my quality as an employee. I'm very interested in this potential employer. Maybe I'm more defeated than I realize.

But I don't think so.

I just don't believe this can possibly go as well as this would have to, for an offer to be a real likelihood here. I am good, but I'm not so d*mned good employers can detect it at this rate of speed, and act on it so fast.

No, it just seems to me that they did the legal requirement, with interviews, and someone else is in the wings for this role.



I will be disappointed, if I hear it's not mine.

But I would be positively stunned to hear that it could be.

*Sigh*

Done

Holy aching frijoles.



I want this job.

Tip

For my writer friends. When it's time to start querying, either bookmark these sites, or search "agencyname, this keyword" using these terms:

• publishers market place
• querytracker
• absolute write

Absolute Write is invaluable for providing feedback and information about QUERYING agencies, from and between writers.

Query Tracker shows tabs from each agent/agency searched which summarizes the genres they accept, and authors under representation with links to their amazon pages. This latter is extraordinarily helpful in researching an agency's catalogue, and whether they're right for your work.

Publishers Marketplace provides a truly deluxe presentation of recent sales, clients under representation and (often) specifics of an agency's catalogue, and specifics regarding querying (email, websites).

Never. Ever. EVER. Fail to look carefully at an agency's website for submission guidelines and sale, catalogue, author information. Most of the agents you really want to work with will highlight the heck out of these things, and pay close attention to sales in particular - you want an agent whose presence in publishing is still alive, is vital enough to provide you representation with a pulse. Consider how hard it is to navigate a site, and how a relationship with the people who built it might resemble the workings of the site itself. Think about what is most heavily emphasized and featured, and how well that suits you. Listen to what people say, outside the site itself. Think for yourself. Querying isn't about being desperately grateful for any and all attention; it is like job hunting: you're screening AGENTS as much as they're screening YOU. Remember that.

And send out acres of lovingly crafted queries - per EVERY single particular stipulated by each individual agent. They all want different things, and it's a pain in the behind, and it's an organizational nightmare. You have dozens of queries to work with - wah - it's so HARD to do each and every one individually, differently, hewing to every last picky requirement.

Do it anyway. Agencies have HUNDREDS, even THOUSANDS to read through; there are individual agents fielding upward of eight thousand queries in a year, kids. People who don't follow the guidelines they request to make that process easier and more navigable for themselves just provide agents reasons to delete, reject, or *resent* their queries. Don't do that.

For an administrative professional, it's funny - querying is an ideal project. The varying demands, the infinitessimal details, the checking and rechecking, the qeueing-up, the firing out, the following UP. It's all an organizational process, a project management challenge.

Writers: you are your own secretaries.

Be good at it. It makes life easier for the agents you're hoping to impress - and they LIKE that - and it makes life easier for YOU, in the end. And that's worth the work. Even if it is unpaid work - it might pay off when you do things right, and impress that perfect person, who will passionately advocate for you with the right houses.


Get to it, kids. Follow the bullets above, too, and it'll be a little easier.

Momentum

One query on the 7th, one on the 10th. Six today, and several hard copy prospects lined up on my spreadsheet. Being less than halfway though the Writer's Market, I should end up with a healthy list of submissions once it is complete.

It seems, once started, familiarity breeds confidence, as with so many things. Like job hunting, you start wondering how well that first query comes off - but so it goes. The first try isn't one I expect to get me the best result, and in any case this is just the query stage anyway. After query comes sharing the actual manusript, then hopefully signing a representation contract, THEN it's time to sell to actual publishers.

Yeep.

Like so much else in my life: the waiting game.