Stunner

This week has been a stunner.  Good and bad and almost impossible to comprehend.  Four days later, I still can't even believe I saw X again.  Nothing is like laughter with him.  Nothing like a day in springtime.

Work has been almost beyond a challenge.

This morning I needed a coat, but it's been 90 degrees when I leave the office at the end of the day.  Outside right now:  thunder.

My head would be spinning anyway, but the throbbing is only one more thin peel in an endless onion's worth of layers.  It is Thursday night, 9:48.  One week ago right now, I was contemplating the possibility of seeing X again, and it'll be another hour perhaps before I can say it's been a week exactly.  Since I knew it would happen.  Since I began packing.  Since those hours which were the last ones in the almost three years since the last iteration of "the last time I saw him."

Four days since I actually saw him.  Four days ago, we laughed in the same room.  He left.  I got a good night's sleep, got on a grey and misty road, sped away ... from the last time I saw X.

I have hardly stopped moving in two months or so now.  Family visit, RavenCon events, heavy work schedule, always a demand.  Weekend before last, the first "normal" (boring) one I have had in a long time.  If the life of a single, middle-aged woman is supposed to be dull with routine, I have been doing it all wrong.

Lots of writing (and de-writing), but little of it these past seven days.  The truth - none this week.

There'll be bastard-brother subplots to gut next.  The bit with the fever and trichinosis.  I still don't know how to rework the rape of the kinswoman and estrangement between comrades.  At least I know how just to approach the work at all now, though.  More than I had for all too long there.

This weekend, I want to spend time with a friend.  Be steward of my hearth and home.  Get outside on a warm night, for loud music.  Come home, rest, and spend Sunday working on Ax.

Then time for the headaches again.

But, I suspect ... it'll be a long time again before another week peels away so many onion layers.


***


I still can't believe I saw Mr. X this week.  And now I can't believe I don't see him anymore.  Mmmmmm.  Hm.