Siddy Scared

I came home yesterday around 2:30 - somewhat late, for a Friday (I had been running errands), but earlier than most days of course.  And Lolly greeted me at the door *trembling* in fear.

Siddy has always had two levels of fear.  One is "I'm a-skeered of storms" and the other is real, deep, bone-shattering terror.  The one is natural; it turns us into a pack and posits me as protector - and she has grown to trust me over our years.

The second, though, is utterly manmade, and incredible in its power - both over my sweet Lol, and in its effect also on me.

NINE YEARS now, I have lived with my Lolly.  Nine years in which she has never been beaten, nor even screamed at, nor disciplined with cruelty.

And nine years during which, whatever her early training in puppy continence was, it still scars her so horribly she fears even me.  Profoundly.


Siddy is over thirteen years old now.  She is blessed with much vigor and health - her only issues as she grows older are waning appetite ... and a slightly waxing inability to hold her water.  I've got a pill she hates to take, and it does seem to do her good - but, at the end of the day, the time is past, when she would sit out thirty-plus hours of hurricane and never mess in the house.

There are ways to deal with this.  A couple baby gates and a good cleaning are obvious adjuncts to the pill and visits "out" every time she shows the slightest inclination.  I'll buy some puppy pads, and see if she can figure out they are for her (and what for).

I'll never.  Ever.  EVER beat her.

I'll still be glad and joyous in her otherwise general state of good health, and will love it when (as we did this morning) she gets me into a good game of growl-wrassle-and-chase.

I will never, ever hurt that dog, if I can possibly protect her.

I will always be sorry for what has been done to her.  That she still has such fear.



And I will always loathe and condemn the people who made her so afraid.  I've got very little hatred to spare in this world:  but whatever portion I have, I spend much of it on Lolly's past owners.