Seriously: TELL Me the Magic Trick!

For two days now, I have been attempting to put on the colored contact lenses I bought for Hallowe'en.  At this point, I would gladly pay someone ten bucks to come over to the house and do it for me, because - it's not that I lack for patience.  I have tried something like thirty times.  It's not even the (given) fact that my blink reflex is fast, and strong.  It's that the lens itself is so thin, and so flimsy, I can't even get the thing to adhere to my eye in the first place.  Not once in two days have I even come CLOSE.

How do people do this every single day?  I ask not in the context of "how do you stick something in your EYE?" - but in the context of "how in the heck do you make something so terribly dainty stand up to its own little specialized job at all?"

I think I must have attempted every possible angle known to man.  Cannot manage this.  I'll be YouTube-ing vids on this shortly, it is that pathetic and ridiculous!

I want evil black eyes for Hallowe'en.  I can't seem to manage to insert them.  Blah.