Janet Reid is running another flashfic contest this weekend.
Smooth, ensconsed, and safe. Comfortable. Desolate. Warm.
Deserted. Alone. Imprisoned.
Wanted … crunch, and edge, and contrast, and cold. Wanted … out.
No chink to pry. No way to gnaw out.
The urgency was physical.
Kick. Strain. Peck. Hours, it took; eternity.
Blue sky. It was terrifying.
Most beautiful thing in the world – the whole world: outside the egg.
Now that the contest is over and Nate Wilson ran OFF with it (and sightly ro), I want to ask about this story, and whether it works.
Given Lilac's comment on it the other day, I wonder whether a clue is necessary: that what was breaking out of this egg was monstrous. I hoped the harshness of some of the words I chose pointed that way, but that would not be so much "beautiful"as horrifying.
With a 100 word limit, this clocks in at a mere 62, but I felt no desire to add to this piece. Does it need more heft? Does it creep anyone out, or does it just read like a wee little bird fighting to find the world?
I would LOVE to hear from y'all, and not just Reiders! Many thanks to anyone who might share your opinions.