Saturday, January 2, 2010

As Is - Asus

Sooo ... my stepfather sure had fun this Christmas. He hit home runs with two gifts - a new laptop for me, and a new Mac desktop for mom.

Um, wow.

The magnitude, in our family, of such gifts would be pretty difficult to overestimate. I mean, huge. My mom had "bought" me a new doorway (the carpentry and plastering, finishing off a hole dug in the wall literally *years* ago) in August - and that was, by my expectation, MORE than I even cared to expect for presents. So the purse, crock pot, and other stuff was great - and more than enough. I've had years when, from my entire family, I had three gifts to open total, so this all was good.

Then came the heavy box.

Mom had opened her huge one, the Mac, and teared up a little bit. Now, for mom, stepdad has always in the past been (by our family's past standards) pretty extravagant (ask me about the year she got a mink AND diamonds, and my big gift was a trashcan - heh). Usually, this comes in the form of jewelry. So the computer was both a perfect suprise, a REAL hit, and a homerun of a well-chosen present.

As for me, I had to follow suit with mom's astonishment, and even I think a bit of mist, if not actual tearing-up. I mean, wow. My home computers have always been hand-me-downs (don't ever let anyone tell you it's not worth having propeller heads for friends); one a really nice Vaio with, amusingly, a Hebrew keyboard; another, the last, "the black box of mysery", a monolithic object worthy of a Kubric feature.

It was the BBM which blew up last March. I've gone since March with no computer at home, and if you don't think this gets in the way of working on one's novel, think again of course. Oy. But I'm enough of a luddite, the impostion was in some ways also a nice escape. It certainly gave me good excuses for missing out on months of spam, for not being into Facebook, for all sorts of non-accessibility. (Being non-accessed by my friends and family via all the traditional methods is reminder enough of my unpopularity with them, thanks - heh.)

But ... I have to say, a laptop at this time is a pretty deluxe gift. Even aside from the sheer extravagance (I mean, wow) - it is coming at a most interesting time.

For one thing, I decided not three days before Christmas, it was time for me to look for a new job.

For another, it's New Year's - that time when I tend toward a great deal of reflection.

This gift, at this time - the gift of access to things I can't and won't do at work, but want to do - the gift of access to RESOURCES, the gift of flexibility, of ... options ... is huge beyond the dollar signs it took to buy my (beautiful, beautiful) Asus. It's huge in terms of the dollar signs I hope it can help me toward regaining.

My previous position was a prestige job, a good one with a better boss than *I* ever deserved. But I earned him, I earned my position. Leaving that company when I did, knowing what I knew, the three thousand dollar pay cut - and the demotion from the echelon at which I've so long been accustomed to occupying ... well, it was worth it, all criterion considered. It was, frankly, necessary.

For two years, I've been grateful for what I have, and that gratitude is genuine.

I'm also grateful ... for my life. For the vital force in my blood that sometimes, unexpectedly, rears itself in *ambition*.

For my ability to do for myself. To achieve.

It is my plan, this new year, to do some achieving.

I can't do that at my current employer. I need to find another one.

So my stepfather has played into my hand, though I've not even discussed this change with him or my mom (she'd fret herself to death! Best to just present the alteration after it's been made: surprise! I've got this incredible new gig!).

Interesting times. Interesting stuff!

Also - nifty new laptop. WOO!

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