Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Last Post

I didn't attach the tag "outrage" to the previous post. It may be odd to some observers, but there are a lot of things which prevent this seeming "out" of the ordinary (sadly), nor engendering any particular rage on my part.

For one, I've been looking for other work for some months now. Not because I imagined at all that this might happen. I just wasn't happy, I certainly wasn't being used particularly well, I can't say the position was the slightest bit stimulating, and I'm completely aware that what I have to offer, the management had no use for. The firing, for my part (I refuse to speak for the many others who hit the surprise chopping-block today), was no-harm/no-foul, in a way.

It also allowed me to demonstrate to the very nice people with whom I recently enjoyed a very good interview I sincerely hope to soon call a "successful" interview how beautifully I manage change and stressful surprises. My first act upon being let go was to scan and email myself the "this is not her fault" form letter the employer provided me. My first act upon returning home was to email it to the guy in HR at the prospective employer. He called within six minutes, surprisingly enough, and thus I was able to demonstrate my extreme grace and humor under pressure.

I can hardly think that (a) the call was a bad sign, nor that (b) my opportunity to behave so magnificently was poorly timed, itself.

This also frees me to discuss, here, the fuller extent of my current context, without so many filters.

I'd been dissatisfied for some time at the current job, and it was three days before Christmas I (as TEO puts it) "gave myself permission" to find another one. I haven't poured on the coal at this project, but it's been a small, steady stream of considerations. A conversation with a recruiter. A few resumes. I've used my own resources (the receipt of a laptop for Christmas was immensely interesting timing, I must say) and time - having flex scheduling has meant I didn't need to steal even that.

For a period of time, I felt terrible guilt over it, actually. It felt emotionally rather like cheating, and it was a bit of a dirty sensation. I pushed past that, and actually improved my outlook on the job itself, even as I continued looking for another, and found this put me in the position of strength. I wasn't feeling desperate to leave, which meant I'd have to be impressed out of this position.

Monday, I was impressed.

Here's hoping ... they were too.


No comments: