I have the suit laid out for tomorrow; grey pants (taken in so they fit their best), black short-sleeved belted jacket, and melon rib-knit sweater. A beautiful big flower brooch, aluminum I think, or tin - it was my grandmother's, and this will be the first time I wear it. Tiny silver earrings, single beaten-band ring, watch. My nails are done, a nice copper pearl to echo but deepen the color of the sweater. The I Santi Italian leather bag, the Charles David shoes (a pretty good match with the bag actually; and it is a great bag - my s-i-l even commented on it when I was visiting). No necklace, no scarf. Simple, clean, and impeccable. The lint roller is at the ready.
Everything's set. I have my glasses in my bag instead of at the desk. I have my cell turned off already (nobody ever uses it anyway, but since they got the time of my interview wrong - 2:30 instead of 1:30 - there would be the possibility of a mom call at a bad moment). I cannot wait.
This will be my first in-person since the layoff. I had my first interview back in January, and one in March - the DAY before it happened. Wow, so the 30th actually; three months today.
Well, the third time's the charm, or so they say.
I plan to charm.
Let's see if they interest me.
It's time. I'm ready. I want to be working again!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Firing Up
When getting the computer up and running for the day's job slog and writing work, it is a Good Thing to have the Commodores funking along with "Too Hot Ta Trot", a VERY good thing indeed.
*Bopping*
*Bopping*
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Codgerly Rant A-Comin'
Okay.
Twice this week I have heard of people making hires of twenty-somethings who, respectively 1) showed up late every day their first - and last - week on the job; and 2) never showed up at all.
Hey. Employers who fire people like me because we cost too much.
How's that getting-rid-of-all-the-experienced-people-to-save-money thing working out for y'all? (I'm looking at YOU, most recent former employer - who ditched fully ten percent of your entire workforce on this "logic".)
They're cheaper for a reason, some of 'em, guys. The entitled, got-a-smiley-for-showing-up ones, who think they needn't bother TRYING in this life. Nor, apparently (astoundingly!) in this economy.
Sheesh.
Twice this week I have heard of people making hires of twenty-somethings who, respectively 1) showed up late every day their first - and last - week on the job; and 2) never showed up at all.
Hey. Employers who fire people like me because we cost too much.
How's that getting-rid-of-all-the-experienced-people-to-save-money thing working out for y'all? (I'm looking at YOU, most recent former employer - who ditched fully ten percent of your entire workforce on this "logic".)
They're cheaper for a reason, some of 'em, guys. The entitled, got-a-smiley-for-showing-up ones, who think they needn't bother TRYING in this life. Nor, apparently (astoundingly!) in this economy.
Sheesh.
Okay, Okay - Yes - I'm a Vidiot
BUT ... The vidiocity is actually beside the point. It is, in fact, only the jumping-off point.
Most of the time since I have been unemployed, if the TV gets turned on during the day at all (before the news), it's been to play DVDs, often in the background as I do some things around the house, work on the computer, what-have-you. Daytime TV generally horrifies me. But today, after seeing that mind-bending moment of Randy Quaid's cinematic glory (heh), and turning off the set altogether to go run some errands, I came back and thought I'd try again. Usually This network plays nothing but Annette Funicello movies all day - which even I, with my unbelievably low standards of filmic consumption, really just cannot handle. But sometimes, you try things. (This is the method by which I have had the joy and excitement of catching "Scream, Blackula, Scream!", some old roller-disco movie with Linda Blair, and the like.)
Being a vidiot, I'm not above broadcast lottery, is what I'm sayin'. (Won't it be great for the world when I get my Nielsen diaries ...)
Okay, so. Today's special is "The Heavenly Kid."
I remember watching this as a teenager myself, it's contemporary with my sweaty-palm/dreamy years. Lewis Smith, the "Kid" himself, was the subject of one of my squillions and squillions of adolescent crushes. (For that matter, way to age, Lew. Nice job.)
For years, James Franco has really struck me for some reason I could never figure out. It made my paltry little brain itchy and twitchy and stuff. (Franco is too young for me to find attractive; at least that is what I insist upon to my inner self.)
But two minutes of Mr. Smith on the screen, and I finally had the brain-itch scratched. Franco looks very much like Smith did in years past. The chipped-flint cheekbones and the curled up mouth.
Frankly, I wouldn't mind getting either one of 'em for Christmas. Both of them have that smile like (a) they have a wonderfully warped, deep sense of humor, and (b) they are definitely up to something. Or up FOR it. (Franco has certainly borne this out, most recently in a wildly funny turn on 30 Rock.)
Heh.
One more little brain-itch scratched for this lifetime. Stupid stuff like that makes me grin like a dork.
Most of the time since I have been unemployed, if the TV gets turned on during the day at all (before the news), it's been to play DVDs, often in the background as I do some things around the house, work on the computer, what-have-you. Daytime TV generally horrifies me. But today, after seeing that mind-bending moment of Randy Quaid's cinematic glory (heh), and turning off the set altogether to go run some errands, I came back and thought I'd try again. Usually This network plays nothing but Annette Funicello movies all day - which even I, with my unbelievably low standards of filmic consumption, really just cannot handle. But sometimes, you try things. (This is the method by which I have had the joy and excitement of catching "Scream, Blackula, Scream!", some old roller-disco movie with Linda Blair, and the like.)
Being a vidiot, I'm not above broadcast lottery, is what I'm sayin'. (Won't it be great for the world when I get my Nielsen diaries ...)
Okay, so. Today's special is "The Heavenly Kid."
I remember watching this as a teenager myself, it's contemporary with my sweaty-palm/dreamy years. Lewis Smith, the "Kid" himself, was the subject of one of my squillions and squillions of adolescent crushes. (For that matter, way to age, Lew. Nice job.)
For years, James Franco has really struck me for some reason I could never figure out. It made my paltry little brain itchy and twitchy and stuff. (Franco is too young for me to find attractive; at least that is what I insist upon to my inner self.)
But two minutes of Mr. Smith on the screen, and I finally had the brain-itch scratched. Franco looks very much like Smith did in years past. The chipped-flint cheekbones and the curled up mouth.
Frankly, I wouldn't mind getting either one of 'em for Christmas. Both of them have that smile like (a) they have a wonderfully warped, deep sense of humor, and (b) they are definitely up to something. Or up FOR it. (Franco has certainly borne this out, most recently in a wildly funny turn on 30 Rock.)
Heh.
One more little brain-itch scratched for this lifetime. Stupid stuff like that makes me grin like a dork.
Wiki'ing is Believing
Yep. It is true.
I was just flipping channels, and it WAS a biopic about LBJ, starring Randy Quaid and Patti Lupone I just saw on "This" ...
Amazing.
*Blink, blink*
I was just flipping channels, and it WAS a biopic about LBJ, starring Randy Quaid and Patti Lupone I just saw on "This" ...
Amazing.
*Blink, blink*
Monday, June 28, 2010
Well, Now This Is Irritating
I've tried every edit view, and can't find a way to correct the gobbledygook Blogger has made out of the headlines on my pages. Gah.
Breaking Again
And now it's the sun cracking through the big grey sky. It has that glaringly bright, yet claustrophobic quality of after-a-storm, and I hope this is because it's only coming out between bouts of rain - that there will be more rain. We need it.
The thunder rolls. I can see lighting above me, even though the sun is so close by it's almost here too. Vying lights in the sky ...
I really am trying hard not to get all mystical and excited here, but even if just for the fact of rain: I am excited anyway. It feels good.
It's been too long since I felt excitement.
The thunder rolls. I can see lighting above me, even though the sun is so close by it's almost here too. Vying lights in the sky ...
I really am trying hard not to get all mystical and excited here, but even if just for the fact of rain: I am excited anyway. It feels good.
It's been too long since I felt excitement.
And the Sky Burst Forth
And it is raining. A wonderful, windy, stormy, pelty grey rain, dizzying and slanting, welcome and beautifully dark. Twenty minutes ago, it was sunny. I hope it won't be so once again as quickly as that - the drought is too much. And we need this too much.
As the sky opened up, I was sending my very last query from the list in Writers Market. It is the 24th query I've done, the last of the electronics (from this source). Now will begin the real work, of course - of researching MORE agencies and agents who handle my genre; information beyond the book, not handed over with deets and an easy list.
As for those hard copies still pending ... well. Still pending, until I get a good capacity printer!
This day doesn't necessarily feel portentious, but I would be happy to take the sky wetting us down at last as a good sign. The interview change this morning. The last query being a particularly interesting one.
I can close my big fat book for a while (until getting a printer!), and embark on new work.
Maybe even work I can get paid for.
May today be a good day. Full of signs and hopeful changes.
As the sky opened up, I was sending my very last query from the list in Writers Market. It is the 24th query I've done, the last of the electronics (from this source). Now will begin the real work, of course - of researching MORE agencies and agents who handle my genre; information beyond the book, not handed over with deets and an easy list.
As for those hard copies still pending ... well. Still pending, until I get a good capacity printer!
This day doesn't necessarily feel portentious, but I would be happy to take the sky wetting us down at last as a good sign. The interview change this morning. The last query being a particularly interesting one.
I can close my big fat book for a while (until getting a printer!), and embark on new work.
Maybe even work I can get paid for.
May today be a good day. Full of signs and hopeful changes.
Pages
I've seen a lot of writers' blogs over the course of the query researching, and it's caused me to ask a question I've wondered about many times - to excerpt, or not to excerpt? I don't feel the blog in any useful way reflects the voice of my writing - not because the subtler structure of language use is any different, but because the overarching imperatives of plot, setting, and character oh so SLIGHTLY affect the way usage comes across. A blog is so removed from the venue of a barbarian king in Late Antiquity (or the early medieval era, if you prefer - or even the dawn of the "Dark Ages" if you're that sort), nobody looking at me as a writer can possibly gain any sense of my authorial work from this form.
So - many writers excerpt.
The habit of excerpting regularly, in posts, doesn't impress me. It seems a very WIP thing to do, and if that works for some, great - but I prefer to keep my WIP in the custody of personally trusted readers, and I also really can't stand the whiff of "showing off" constant public editing seems to entail. More to the point, the first novel isn't properly "in progress" anymore (kids: WIP means work in progress), so ... yeah, but no. And finally, I don't favor the position of regretting throwing my supposed-work around if and when it doesn't work out for whatever reason. Yeep!
But I have been considering placing one static exemplar on its own page, lately. It's very hard to consider a scene to use - out of context, again, so much of my work doesn't lend itself well without footnotes and explanation as it were. Heh. But an idea has occurred to me; one of the very first scenes I wrote, actually, if not the very first one I put down. I know it was the formative core of my first concept of the novel (much changed, though this item did survive - with enormous editing done to it!).
We shall see.
But feedback on the point is welcome, too. The current idea under consideration is to put another page over there by "the author's bio" and "images" - to include one short scene, enough to give a sense, but not more than a couple minutes' read. Comments encouraged (and appreciated)!
So - many writers excerpt.
The habit of excerpting regularly, in posts, doesn't impress me. It seems a very WIP thing to do, and if that works for some, great - but I prefer to keep my WIP in the custody of personally trusted readers, and I also really can't stand the whiff of "showing off" constant public editing seems to entail. More to the point, the first novel isn't properly "in progress" anymore (kids: WIP means work in progress), so ... yeah, but no. And finally, I don't favor the position of regretting throwing my supposed-work around if and when it doesn't work out for whatever reason. Yeep!
But I have been considering placing one static exemplar on its own page, lately. It's very hard to consider a scene to use - out of context, again, so much of my work doesn't lend itself well without footnotes and explanation as it were. Heh. But an idea has occurred to me; one of the very first scenes I wrote, actually, if not the very first one I put down. I know it was the formative core of my first concept of the novel (much changed, though this item did survive - with enormous editing done to it!).
We shall see.
But feedback on the point is welcome, too. The current idea under consideration is to put another page over there by "the author's bio" and "images" - to include one short scene, enough to give a sense, but not more than a couple minutes' read. Comments encouraged (and appreciated)!
Hee
Aww. I went outside to get the Lolly, and this is the face I found to greet me.
Now, THIS: is your classic Despondent Puppy Face.
Now, THIS: is your classic Despondent Puppy Face.
Keeping cool in the dirt in the camellia shade.
GOOD
The prospect has canceled two of three of my phone interviews, in order to have me come in person instead. This is preferable to me, and NOT (just) because it gives me the chance to actually physically do something and get dressed like a civilized person. Meeting the people and seeing the site vastly improves the "read" you can get on a situation, so I'm very pleased. I also hope it means they're cutting out an extra step ... possibly even because they don't see the need for it.
Either way, excellent.
Either way, excellent.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Tip
For my writer friends. When it's time to start querying, either bookmark these sites, or search "agencyname, this keyword" using these terms:
Absolute Write is invaluable for providing feedback and information about QUERYING agencies, from and between writers.
Query Tracker shows tabs from each agent/agency searched which summarizes the genres they accept, and authors under representation with links to their amazon pages. This latter is extraordinarily helpful in researching an agency's catalogue, and whether they're right for your work.
Publishers Marketplace provides a truly deluxe presentation of recent sales, clients under representation and (often) specifics of an agency's catalogue, and specifics regarding querying (email, websites).
Never. Ever. EVER. Fail to look carefully at an agency's website for submission guidelines and sale, catalogue, author information. Most of the agents you really want to work with will highlight the heck out of these things, and pay close attention to sales in particular - you want an agent whose presence in publishing is still alive, is vital enough to provide you representation with a pulse. Consider how hard it is to navigate a site, and how a relationship with the people who built it might resemble the workings of the site itself. Think about what is most heavily emphasized and featured, and how well that suits you. Listen to what people say, outside the site itself. Think for yourself. Querying isn't about being desperately grateful for any and all attention; it is like job hunting: you're screening AGENTS as much as they're screening YOU. Remember that.
And send out acres of lovingly crafted queries - per EVERY single particular stipulated by each individual agent. They all want different things, and it's a pain in the behind, and it's an organizational nightmare. You have dozens of queries to work with - wah - it's so HARD to do each and every one individually, differently, hewing to every last picky requirement.
Do it anyway. Agencies have HUNDREDS, even THOUSANDS to read through; there are individual agents fielding upward of eight thousand queries in a year, kids. People who don't follow the guidelines they request to make that process easier and more navigable for themselves just provide agents reasons to delete, reject, or *resent* their queries. Don't do that.
For an administrative professional, it's funny - querying is an ideal project. The varying demands, the infinitessimal details, the checking and rechecking, the qeueing-up, the firing out, the following UP. It's all an organizational process, a project management challenge.
Writers: you are your own secretaries.
Be good at it. It makes life easier for the agents you're hoping to impress - and they LIKE that - and it makes life easier for YOU, in the end. And that's worth the work. Even if it is unpaid work - it might pay off when you do things right, and impress that perfect person, who will passionately advocate for you with the right houses.
Get to it, kids. Follow the bullets above, too, and it'll be a little easier.
- publishers market place
- querytracker
- absolute write
Absolute Write is invaluable for providing feedback and information about QUERYING agencies, from and between writers.
Query Tracker shows tabs from each agent/agency searched which summarizes the genres they accept, and authors under representation with links to their amazon pages. This latter is extraordinarily helpful in researching an agency's catalogue, and whether they're right for your work.
Publishers Marketplace provides a truly deluxe presentation of recent sales, clients under representation and (often) specifics of an agency's catalogue, and specifics regarding querying (email, websites).
Never. Ever. EVER. Fail to look carefully at an agency's website for submission guidelines and sale, catalogue, author information. Most of the agents you really want to work with will highlight the heck out of these things, and pay close attention to sales in particular - you want an agent whose presence in publishing is still alive, is vital enough to provide you representation with a pulse. Consider how hard it is to navigate a site, and how a relationship with the people who built it might resemble the workings of the site itself. Think about what is most heavily emphasized and featured, and how well that suits you. Listen to what people say, outside the site itself. Think for yourself. Querying isn't about being desperately grateful for any and all attention; it is like job hunting: you're screening AGENTS as much as they're screening YOU. Remember that.
And send out acres of lovingly crafted queries - per EVERY single particular stipulated by each individual agent. They all want different things, and it's a pain in the behind, and it's an organizational nightmare. You have dozens of queries to work with - wah - it's so HARD to do each and every one individually, differently, hewing to every last picky requirement.
Do it anyway. Agencies have HUNDREDS, even THOUSANDS to read through; there are individual agents fielding upward of eight thousand queries in a year, kids. People who don't follow the guidelines they request to make that process easier and more navigable for themselves just provide agents reasons to delete, reject, or *resent* their queries. Don't do that.
For an administrative professional, it's funny - querying is an ideal project. The varying demands, the infinitessimal details, the checking and rechecking, the qeueing-up, the firing out, the following UP. It's all an organizational process, a project management challenge.
Writers: you are your own secretaries.
Be good at it. It makes life easier for the agents you're hoping to impress - and they LIKE that - and it makes life easier for YOU, in the end. And that's worth the work. Even if it is unpaid work - it might pay off when you do things right, and impress that perfect person, who will passionately advocate for you with the right houses.
Get to it, kids. Follow the bullets above, too, and it'll be a little easier.
Hot In the Kitchen
Some days, even when it's 106 out according to the car-mometer ... even when there's no job to take the leftovers to, to keep yourself from eating too many ... you just have to make chocolate chip cookies.
My gracious, the house smells amazing. Mmm-mm.
My gracious, the house smells amazing. Mmm-mm.
DINK Divorce
The split with me and Beloved Ex was not happy-fun-times for either one of us, but once done niether of us has stooped to hate the other one. Even at the time, though there were recriminations and ugliness, the fact that we respected each other was part of the problem, some days. It made divorcing each other the more hurtful, not less; and I think was central to the length of time the process finally took. We weren't speed demons about it.
Yesterday was the seventeenth anniversary of the day we married each other. As we have since re-establishing contact several years after the dissolution, and becoming friends, we called each other to mark the occasion.
B.E. is, strangely or not, one of the people I can depend upon in this world above most others. He is supportive, sympathetic, and available in ways sometimes even my best friends can't provide. Being a man, he has been kind to me on the "men" front more times and in more ways than women generally have the perspective to be, too. He thinks I'm worth a lot, and he's accepting of my choices, in ways a lot of people who think they love me best don't.
B.E. occupies, this all is to say, a unique place in my life, and certainly in my cranky old heart. One of the reasons I married him in the first place was that he is a good man - he always was - and those are hardly thick on the ground.
My stepfather wonders why, then, we are divorced. Heh. I suspect sometimes my mom's in sympathy with that questioning, herself.
It would have been so much easier if I had committed fully to B.E. It certainly would have made sense.
Apparently, I am not a sensible lady.
But I am grateful, if little else. For his respect. For his presence, even at 500 miles away - heh. For the friendship we have now, that I never thought to forge with him when we were actually *together*.
Happy seventeenth, Sweetness. Be well.
Yesterday was the seventeenth anniversary of the day we married each other. As we have since re-establishing contact several years after the dissolution, and becoming friends, we called each other to mark the occasion.
B.E. is, strangely or not, one of the people I can depend upon in this world above most others. He is supportive, sympathetic, and available in ways sometimes even my best friends can't provide. Being a man, he has been kind to me on the "men" front more times and in more ways than women generally have the perspective to be, too. He thinks I'm worth a lot, and he's accepting of my choices, in ways a lot of people who think they love me best don't.
B.E. occupies, this all is to say, a unique place in my life, and certainly in my cranky old heart. One of the reasons I married him in the first place was that he is a good man - he always was - and those are hardly thick on the ground.
My stepfather wonders why, then, we are divorced. Heh. I suspect sometimes my mom's in sympathy with that questioning, herself.
It would have been so much easier if I had committed fully to B.E. It certainly would have made sense.
Apparently, I am not a sensible lady.
But I am grateful, if little else. For his respect. For his presence, even at 500 miles away - heh. For the friendship we have now, that I never thought to forge with him when we were actually *together*.
Happy seventeenth, Sweetness. Be well.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Upswing
The change in the employment market is definite right now, at least locally. The number of listings overall is up, and today I got a call from a recruiter, who'd viewed my resume online. I haven't been getting response from my Monster nor LinkedIn profiles (the three or so people who have emailed me with "opportunities" to sell insurance or financial services - gah - do not count, frankly), so this is an interesting indicator.
I have scarcely considered contract work, to be honest. I see the names Ajilon, Spherion, or the words "Company Confidential" and I scroll on. I spent too much of my youth temping, and it feels at best like being a rent girl, which isn't a pleasure of any sort for me. I've had contacts, over the years, with people who were very excited to "put me on the books" and never speak with me again; I tend to be polite to this sort of recruiter, but entirely disinterested. Even the friend of a friend of mine I only spoke with in order to mollify my friend; and when I did (both times) I have to say I was dumbstruck by her ignorance of the field she claims to have such knowledge of, spanning so-and-so many years. The second one this friend referred me to also never contacted me once.
So, my response to contract procurers (ahem - and, yes, "hah") tends to be polite, but my expectations: nil.
Still, this woman was professional, which is unusual in itself; and she copped instantly to the fact that the position she was thinking of for me was one I was probably overqualified for. Which I was, unquestionably. She asked me to refer anyone I might know (I shared her contact info with that friend of mine who seems to collect recruiters), and assured me we would talk again.
I expect that will not happen.
But if it does, at least she apparently won't be dumb enough to be trying to interest me in entry-level stuff.
And there's that phrase again: So it goes.
I have scarcely considered contract work, to be honest. I see the names Ajilon, Spherion, or the words "Company Confidential" and I scroll on. I spent too much of my youth temping, and it feels at best like being a rent girl, which isn't a pleasure of any sort for me. I've had contacts, over the years, with people who were very excited to "put me on the books" and never speak with me again; I tend to be polite to this sort of recruiter, but entirely disinterested. Even the friend of a friend of mine I only spoke with in order to mollify my friend; and when I did (both times) I have to say I was dumbstruck by her ignorance of the field she claims to have such knowledge of, spanning so-and-so many years. The second one this friend referred me to also never contacted me once.
So, my response to contract procurers (ahem - and, yes, "hah") tends to be polite, but my expectations: nil.
Still, this woman was professional, which is unusual in itself; and she copped instantly to the fact that the position she was thinking of for me was one I was probably overqualified for. Which I was, unquestionably. She asked me to refer anyone I might know (I shared her contact info with that friend of mine who seems to collect recruiters), and assured me we would talk again.
I expect that will not happen.
But if it does, at least she apparently won't be dumb enough to be trying to interest me in entry-level stuff.
And there's that phrase again: So it goes.
Motivation, Intent, and Tone
Here we have a very interesting post indeed, considering my own recent thoughts about horror and violence. Something of a gamer's eye view of the same things I was on about, with a more big-picture perspective, which is good to see too.
My old barbarian - a warrior king, after all; and a historical one, yet - fits in the category of a mindless sociopath, but his perspective on the requirement of violence is unfamiliar to my mind, my context, my ability to personally justify. It was easy enough to see the reasons the *character* would and could do as he did; yet to spool it out, to produce the words describing it (in first-person, no less), to get all the scenes of murder and battle out, was a trial for me nonetheless. I put off writing certain of my battle scenes literally for YEARS, out of dread of having to do them.
I hate battle scenes, as we know; as I chide myself for committing to in the way I have and did. The ones I've created were more than a necessary evil; they were a story actually important to tell.
This really makes me wonder, then, how they read. I invested myself in the character - and in the first-person - with honesty. I have re-read these scenes perhaps more than others, because I'm aware I need the most editing and scrutiny in these things I have such a hard time writing in the first place. I put a lot of work into ... I don't know what the word is to use here. Verissimilitude seems best, though it dissatisfies me. Satisfaction, in its way, is better actually. The violence is "satisfactory" in the sense that it doesn't read as if a forty-two year old wimp of a hausfrau in modern Virginia was filtering through all the shock, yuck, and goo to produce them.
I produced them, let it be said, in a fairly workmanlike way - and, once I'd had useful feedback on a false start early on in the going, with pretty decent first-go results on the products themselves. I tucked my head down, took deep breaths, plunged in, and got the job(s) done.
Reading my own violence, as I've said, I have little visceral response, though emotionally I do follow pretty well, and I think the "read" works authentically in terms of what it is meant to evoke in a reader. But even with the control one has over reading, as opposed to other art forms - the way we can slow down (or perhaps rush) through certain passages, and manage our experience of them - they pack the punch they need to.
Video games can't be as easily modulated as books, slowing down or speeding up the pace of our reading; lingering or skimming, even physically holding the body - or the book - in some particular way. Sure, there are pause buttons, but play determines its speed, and immersive experience is the best way to do best, so "backing off" mentally is less of an option for the gamer ... or, at least, so I believe from my experience of gamers. My experience of actual play is nonexistent. But I know how much willing suspension of disbeief it takes just to watch a movie. And I know that it takes even more than WSD to participate in a game. A lot more.
So I segue from thinking of the effect my own violence has, on those whose responses to it I can guess, on those I can identify in one way or another, to the universal and popular question of "what media does to us" - and of course the answers always seem to make me queasy.
I justify my own contributions. I justify my own consumption. But I still find the whole a less enjoyable part of the culture than real storytelling, real human interaction, real *entertainment* (by, admittedly, my own definition of the term), real enjoyment of life. I question whether what I've done is art, or merely creativity designed to sell to a sick(-ish ... ?) society.
I tuck my head. And write the next scene of sudden gore.
As Vonnegut says. So it goes.
*Sigh*
It's not so much the violence. The violence is a symptom. It's the blatant fear of ideas in the face of financial risk.
--a perfectly-stated point from the post's comments section
My old barbarian - a warrior king, after all; and a historical one, yet - fits in the category of a mindless sociopath, but his perspective on the requirement of violence is unfamiliar to my mind, my context, my ability to personally justify. It was easy enough to see the reasons the *character* would and could do as he did; yet to spool it out, to produce the words describing it (in first-person, no less), to get all the scenes of murder and battle out, was a trial for me nonetheless. I put off writing certain of my battle scenes literally for YEARS, out of dread of having to do them.
I hate battle scenes, as we know; as I chide myself for committing to in the way I have and did. The ones I've created were more than a necessary evil; they were a story actually important to tell.
This really makes me wonder, then, how they read. I invested myself in the character - and in the first-person - with honesty. I have re-read these scenes perhaps more than others, because I'm aware I need the most editing and scrutiny in these things I have such a hard time writing in the first place. I put a lot of work into ... I don't know what the word is to use here. Verissimilitude seems best, though it dissatisfies me. Satisfaction, in its way, is better actually. The violence is "satisfactory" in the sense that it doesn't read as if a forty-two year old wimp of a hausfrau in modern Virginia was filtering through all the shock, yuck, and goo to produce them.
I produced them, let it be said, in a fairly workmanlike way - and, once I'd had useful feedback on a false start early on in the going, with pretty decent first-go results on the products themselves. I tucked my head down, took deep breaths, plunged in, and got the job(s) done.
Reading my own violence, as I've said, I have little visceral response, though emotionally I do follow pretty well, and I think the "read" works authentically in terms of what it is meant to evoke in a reader. But even with the control one has over reading, as opposed to other art forms - the way we can slow down (or perhaps rush) through certain passages, and manage our experience of them - they pack the punch they need to.
Video games can't be as easily modulated as books, slowing down or speeding up the pace of our reading; lingering or skimming, even physically holding the body - or the book - in some particular way. Sure, there are pause buttons, but play determines its speed, and immersive experience is the best way to do best, so "backing off" mentally is less of an option for the gamer ... or, at least, so I believe from my experience of gamers. My experience of actual play is nonexistent. But I know how much willing suspension of disbeief it takes just to watch a movie. And I know that it takes even more than WSD to participate in a game. A lot more.
So I segue from thinking of the effect my own violence has, on those whose responses to it I can guess, on those I can identify in one way or another, to the universal and popular question of "what media does to us" - and of course the answers always seem to make me queasy.
I justify my own contributions. I justify my own consumption. But I still find the whole a less enjoyable part of the culture than real storytelling, real human interaction, real *entertainment* (by, admittedly, my own definition of the term), real enjoyment of life. I question whether what I've done is art, or merely creativity designed to sell to a sick(-ish ... ?) society.
I tuck my head. And write the next scene of sudden gore.
As Vonnegut says. So it goes.
*Sigh*
"And Here's Chet, With the Weather"
102 degrees yesterday - obviously, a record high. It's been so hot this week, I don't even have to mow the grass today. Nothing has grown, and we haven't seen rain worthy of the name in quite a long time now.
Today is breezy, and at 92 - I'm not being facetious here - it feels balmy. Lolly stayed out for hours today, and when she came in, she didn't even fall over panting. Having kept her on a TIMER through this heat, not allowing her out for more than fifteen minutes at a time, she seems quite happy to have sat outside enjoying her camellia shade. She seems quite happy now, sleeping on the tile floor of my office, too. Dear old thing.
I think I want to get out a bit tonight, see some friends, maybe even dance and try to find something to laugh about. Even if the laugh is sardonic or sarcastic. I think it will be a nice night, too, if the breeze stays with us, if the warmth leads to one of those June nights my dad used to call "soft". I used to use those nights to go out with TEO, opening every window in the car, turning up the radio, and singing whatever was on with verve and some irony. "Teenagering", we called it.
I could do with a bit of teenagering right now.
*Sigh*
Today is breezy, and at 92 - I'm not being facetious here - it feels balmy. Lolly stayed out for hours today, and when she came in, she didn't even fall over panting. Having kept her on a TIMER through this heat, not allowing her out for more than fifteen minutes at a time, she seems quite happy to have sat outside enjoying her camellia shade. She seems quite happy now, sleeping on the tile floor of my office, too. Dear old thing.
I think I want to get out a bit tonight, see some friends, maybe even dance and try to find something to laugh about. Even if the laugh is sardonic or sarcastic. I think it will be a nice night, too, if the breeze stays with us, if the warmth leads to one of those June nights my dad used to call "soft". I used to use those nights to go out with TEO, opening every window in the car, turning up the radio, and singing whatever was on with verve and some irony. "Teenagering", we called it.
I could do with a bit of teenagering right now.
*Sigh*
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