Friday, February 24, 2017

The Trick Question is: "WHAT was terrifying?"

Janet Reid is running another flashfic contest this weekend.



Smooth, ensconsed, and safe. Comfortable. Desolate. Warm.

Oppressive.

Deserted. Alone. Imprisoned.

Hungry.

Wanted … crunch, and edge, and contrast, and cold. Wanted … out.

No chink to pry. No way to gnaw out.

The urgency was physical.

Kick. Strain. Peck. Hours, it took; eternity.

Jettisoned.

Blue sky. It was terrifying.

Most beautiful thing in the world – the whole world: outside the egg.





Okay.

Now that the contest is over and Nate Wilson ran OFF with it (and sightly ro), I want to ask about this story, and whether it works.

Given Lilac's comment on it the other day, I wonder whether a clue is necessary: that what was breaking out of this egg was monstrous. I hoped the harshness of some of the words I chose pointed that way, but that would not be so much "beautiful"as horrifying.

With a 100 word limit, this clocks in at a mere 62, but I felt no desire to add to this piece. Does it need more heft? Does it creep anyone out, or does it just read like a wee little bird fighting to find the world?

I would LOVE to hear from y'all, and not just Reiders! Many thanks to anyone who might share your opinions.

5 comments:

Lilac Shoshani said...

That's beautiful, Diane!

DLM said...

Hmmm, I'd say thank you but actually I was going for horror. Now I wonder whether it was effective!

Donnaeve said...

Well, I found it lyrical. Not horror/scary at all. I would have figured out it was about a winged creature (I simply thought bird - oh well), but in a way - wouldn't it have been cool for it to be a DRAGON!

You could have done this:

"Most beautiful thing in the world – the whole world: outside the egg." Until it breathed fire.

:)

But. In all those beautiful words - it, IMO, was like I said. Lyrical.

DLM said...

It is so funny, writing this I was thinking of pointy words, dark words - crunch, contrast, cold. I wanted "imprisoned" and "it was terrifying" to be the clues, and for that final line to read as dangerous - this hungry, imprisoned thing; jettisoned, breaking out, the whole beautiful world its feeding ground.

Still, your and Lilac's feedback is hardly hurtful! :)

This, I suppose, is what we call an interesting failure.

DLM said...

Oh, and - as for what the creature was - I was thinking of the Roc, the ancient mythological gigantic bird monster (first painting above).